Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
