Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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