I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize