you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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