i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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