a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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