im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
