Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
