A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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