just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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