i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
