I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
