I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
