This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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