I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
