I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
