We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
