Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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