Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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