Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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