tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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