I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
