Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
