You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
a search helicopter?!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
