Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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