There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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