Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
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