I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!