drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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