the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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