In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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