How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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