I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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