I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize