Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
