We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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