there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
