I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
