i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
