see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My underwear smells like fireworks.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
