No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
