Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
