she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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