no, he came in my armpit
only if we run a train.
done.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
