i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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