i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
