So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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