Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
