I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
