Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
