I think i peed on brittanys purse
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
