Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
