Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
