You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
