saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
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Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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