Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
