She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
