I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
