I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
