There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
