my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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