Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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