i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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