You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
