i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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