i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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