it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
