hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
