You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
