I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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