I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
