I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
