Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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