If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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