Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
