you would pick up someone in the library
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
