I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
