Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
