and you said cock pushups were impossible
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
