I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
