Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
