I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
