I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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